"Don't tell nobody" And Other Family Mantras Keeping You Stuck

de-stressing Jul 01, 2022

I don't know about you, but in my family and in the families of the Moms I've worked with, there is a common thread of family secrets keeping us stuck. Many of us establish a tendency of not being as open and honest with others as we could throughout our lives because of it. Mantras like

"Don't tell nobody"

"What happens in the family, stays in the family"

"This is family business"

...these are all so prevalent that you probably even read them with a certain voice in mind.

 

It's possible that keeping a close lid on your innermost thoughts and feelings is second nature to you.

 

It's possible that your parents were inconsistent when it comes to revealing their feelings to others. If that's the case, you've been developing your ability to keep secrets as you've grown older. And it's not only impacting your emotions and behavior but also affecting your relationships. Especially your relationship with your son.

 

You may have become so used to keeping your affairs a secret that you wonder what's the use in sharing now. Why does openness matter? 

 

Transparency means showing the "true, authentic you" to those around you. By being open and honest, you allow others to see who you are and what drives your thoughts and actions. Living openly also reveals a level of confidence. What most people fail to realize is that those secrets, those bottled up emotions, that trauma, and that stress...it all has to go somewhere. And do you know where that is?

 

It LIVES in your body.

 

And now science can prove to you how the body stores the memory of those events within your cells and it becomes all types of pain and disease. If you don't believe me, check out the book, The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

 

Living a free and full life is possible when you learn to be open and honest with yourself and others.

 

Here are a few tips to help you quit hiding your true self and start living your best life, openly and passionately:

  • It is time to get rid of the "shadow" When you hide so much of yourself from the world, it's difficult to communicate who you really are to others (and to yourself). Be honest with yourself about the fact that you're ready to let go of the need to hide your true self from the world.
  • Say, "I'm not comfortable discussing that." You must be transparent with others if you're feeling uncomfortable, but share when you feel called to. 
  • Start experimenting with "feeling" words. With practice, it will become easier for you to express your sentiments in language others can understand. A good way to start being more open and honest is to say things like, "I'm frustrated by...," or "I get aggravated by...."
  • Work to heal old wounds and move forward. It's not uncommon for people to be secretive with one another in order to keep their own emotional problems private. There is, however, a lot of work involved in keeping that pain under wraps. It would be better spent if you used that energy to live life to the fullest with passion and fire.
  • Admit when maintaining a secret gives you a sense of being superior to others. When you avoid being open and honest with others, you feel that you have some sort of control over them. An “I know something but you don’t” mentality takes over. You might even like that feeling. However, once you realize what's going on, you'll likely want to let go of the impulse to conceal secrets from others.

 

Living a transparent life frees you from the burden of self-doubt. As a result, you'll feel more at home in your own skin. Plus, your confidence will grow and you’ll be motivated to enjoy all the benefits that a transparent existence brings.

 

Start today to rid your life of any secrecy you show toward others. You’ll feel better when you begin living with transparency. Your body and your mind will thank you for it.

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